Do you remember the good ole days of going to a lock in? Well I'm still doing it! How stupid am I? I feel like SHIT today, and VERY glad I don't have to do it again until next year.
I was told today that the adults are not suppose to stay up. That takes all the fun out of it for me. I scrap booked and played games all night! This is how bad I look at 6:00 am.
We have 2 Girl Scout troops, 3&4 fourth graders and Freshmen. 13 girls all together. The big girls gave out about 5:00am. Most the little ones stayed up till the end! I was proud of them. Cranky is an understatement for a few. But for the most part they real troopers. We made our own pizzas, played bad girls and good girls (like cops and robbers for girls), sang karaoke, kicked but on Guitar Hero, played on the Internet and scrap booked,I made waffles for breakfast and we drank frapachino to stay awake.
Like I said thought, I am glad we only do it oncea year!

NO! NO! NO!

SHE WILL NOT DIE!! SHE CAN NOT DIE! IT IS HER SHOW! THEY WON'T LET HER DIE!

AHHHH!

Thanks for being there I needed to blow off some steam!

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Sometimes I just get so over whelmed with the nothing that goes on in my life!! If I really stopped and blogged about how freakin boring I am you just might never come back! Sometimes I want to just go off and let all of my blabbering I do in my head about my life. Then I would really see how miserable I am in my life, maybe just my marriage. I just need to let it all out so I don't feel so bottled up!



So hear I go...

HAPPY Freeaakin VALENTINES DAY!

3 days ago I just could not stop asking the ? HOW LONELY CAN A PERSON BE WITH SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND! I have 3 WONDERFUL children, that are very loving and really are good kids (so far!) The man I call my Husband is my problem. After 15 years you would think I would except him and know him. But as I get older I just realize the things that I felt like I had to except from him are things I cannot live without. Affection, compassion, how to communicate with each other. He is an only child from an abused and divorced mother. He never learned how to share or compromise. Don't get me wrong he is a very nice person but when it comes to having a relationship he can not do it! the only time we can have a discussion about anything is if he has had a few beers. I'm sorry I feel that if you cannot talk to me when you are sober than we are not important enough. He cannot deal with emotions, mine or his.
We have been through a lot. Married at 18 and 20. Just seems insane now! I was always just one of the guys. Which was OK with me, until now. We have both done a lot of growing. In the last year or two mostly.
I just want to be happy and share my passion with someone. I have so much to share but I just keep it all inside because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. (Affection makes him very uncomfortable even in our own home with no one to see.)I feel cheated and lonely! Can he change? Do I want to wait until he learns how to show love? CAN I wait until he is ready to learn. Do I have any thing left in me to teach him?

I pray daily that this is just a trial the Lord is giving me and I can make it through it! GIVE ME STRENGTH LORD!

Sorry for the depressing shit on V-day. He did send me flowers today.