Sometimes I just get so over whelmed with the nothing that goes on in my life!! If I really stopped and blogged about how freakin boring I am you just might never come back! Sometimes I want to just go off and let all of my blabbering I do in my head about my life. Then I would really see how miserable I am in my life, maybe just my marriage. I just need to let it all out so I don't feel so bottled up!
So hear I go...
HAPPY Freeaakin VALENTINES DAY!
3 days ago I just could not stop asking the ? HOW LONELY CAN A PERSON BE WITH SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND! I have 3 WONDERFUL children, that are very loving and really are good kids (so far!) The man I call my Husband is my problem. After 15 years you would think I would except him and know him. But as I get older I just realize the things that I felt like I had to except from him are things I cannot live without. Affection, compassion, how to communicate with each other. He is an only child from an abused and divorced mother. He never learned how to share or compromise. Don't get me wrong he is a very nice person but when it comes to having a relationship he can not do it! the only time we can have a discussion about anything is if he has had a few beers. I'm sorry I feel that if you cannot talk to me when you are sober than we are not important enough. He cannot deal with emotions, mine or his.
We have been through a lot. Married at 18 and 20. Just seems insane now! I was always just one of the guys. Which was OK with me, until now. We have both done a lot of growing. In the last year or two mostly.
I just want to be happy and share my passion with someone. I have so much to share but I just keep it all inside because I don't want to make him uncomfortable. (Affection makes him very uncomfortable even in our own home with no one to see.)I feel cheated and lonely! Can he change? Do I want to wait until he learns how to show love? CAN I wait until he is ready to learn. Do I have any thing left in me to teach him?
I pray daily that this is just a trial the Lord is giving me and I can make it through it! GIVE ME STRENGTH LORD!
Sorry for the depressing shit on V-day. He did send me flowers today.
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4 comments:
Awwe! Bunny! That's it, I'm emailing you! XOXOXO
Sorry to hear you are married...and still lonely. That isn't good. If I was there I would give you a great big hug. It might not take away your pain but would hope it made you feel a little better.
Ah...what the heck...consider this a virtual HUG 8-)
Thank Sirdar! I really need that!
What is with your blog? It seems to be hanging on me...like it is stuck trying to do something. I wonder if it is that little kid picture or something.
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